I gained consciousness. I heard the sound of birds singing and chirping before opening my eyes. When I opened my eyes, I saw beams of sunlight which entered the room through the window. Although I covered myself with a blanket, I felt cold. It was a freezing day in December.
I woke up but I didn’t want to get out of my bed. Then, I fell asleep again. It was around noon and I woke up again. I washed my face and brushed my teeth. Even if I didn’t want to touch water, I had to. I did some exercises and body movements. After that, I had lunch. Legends do not eat breakfast. lul
After having lunch, I wondered what should I do? Normally, I watch anime, read books, and play games. Sometimes, I write. It has been one year since I graduated but I am still unemployed. Being an unemployed person, of course, there is no income but my time is completely mine. And, I have the freedom to do whatever I want. I have no duties and obligations. I have no stress and pressure. I do not gain experience in certain specific fields but I have the luxury of time and freedom.
I did this and that and my time was gone. It was nighttime. I was standing on the balcony looking at the moon and the stars. My mind wandered. Why is the shape of the planets sphere? The value of pi, the ratio of a circumference, is also super weird. Is it all a coincidence?
There are phrases I saw a lot these days, “To change the world!”, and “To make the world a better place!”. It made me wondered how the world is changed and how does it become a better place? As we become adults, we become forgetful, mindless, quick to judge, and take things at face value. Our behaviors form a pattern and we repeat them. It becomes our comfort zone and it is very difficult to break it. Since it is difficult for a person to change, how the world is changed?
Humans evolved by using the power of formless matter such as fire, water, air, knowledge, electricity, the Internet, and so on. I think life is about creation and destruction. In history, there are many proofs that many inventions were used for destruction. If creations will lead to destruction, is it necessary to create something which will help in changing and evolution? I complained a lot that I have nothing to do in the past but maybe I have always been doing the right thing. There was a philosopher who sleeps and eats wherever he wants. He said, “He has the most who is most content with the least.”
Before the development of verbal thinking and reasoning, children can already differentiate things by hand. If our understanding comes from differentiation, separation, classification, division, and distinction, wishing for everything to be equal is like challenging our own understanding and intelligence. And, if everything is equal, it would be super boring.
Within a week, there are many cells renewal happened in the body. A week before me is completely gone and the current me is different. So, what am I and who am I?
I used to ask a few people I know if they ever wondered why do they always wake up in the morning and about their existence. They replied, “Not even once!” Sometimes, their reply made me wonder whether I am the only one who is suffering from an existential crisis. And, why does this small brain of mine love to think such big questions?
These days, the sky at night is very clear and many stars are out there. Only in the darkest sky, you can see many bright stars. It was beautiful. It’s 2 AM in the morning. Why can’t I fall asleep? Of course, I was waiting to witness the conjunction between Jupiter and Saturn. And, I only saw two dots.
I have the luxury to do whatever I want. But, here are lines from a book to remind myself. “Times change. Circumstances change. That original knowledge base must always be updated. As our environment changes, we must never forget to revise and retest out hypotheses. The revolutionary can, if we’re not careful, become the irrelevant. The thoughtful can become unthinking through our failure to keep engaging, challenging, and pushing.”
One day, if you become a busy bee who is a slave of money, please remember that you had the luxury of time and freedom in your younger days. And, don’t forget to enjoy your moment. Dear future me …
Dec 22, 2020
