It was five years ago. After I passed the matriculation examination, I was filling names of universities in a form. I had little knowledge back then. I didn’t even know what was I interested in. I didn’t know that the name of a university I wrote down on a paper would have a great impact on my future.
I was accepted by an IT specialized university. Since I was from the countryside, I received a room in the hostel provided by the government. As a sixteen years old youth who moved to a new city, I was curious and excited about everything I saw. I learned everything enthusiastically. The university’s campus was small and it didn’t look like a university. During my fourth year, we moved to a new campus which is very large. And now, after four months of internship, I will graduate from the university and continue to try to survive in the IT industry. I had to pay the opportunity cost of learning other subjects for five years because of my choice. That’s how something I wrote on a paper affected my life.
People say that 16 to 19 is a rebellious age. How about me? I was trying to adapt to a new environment. I had to cook for my meals. I had to wash clothes myself. I only received financial support and I had to manage everything myself. It was hard to live away from mom. As time went by, I became too used to the current lifestyle and I even got smarter. I ordered food and sent my clothes to the laundry.
Maybe I rebelled in my own way. My most days’ routine was waking up, eating, listening to lectures, doing chores, and sleeping. Well, the reality is dull and lame. I had a lot of thoughts like, “Why do I have to do this? This is my life and yet why can’t I live the way I like? Should I drop out and explore the world? Am I dare enough to take risks and its consequences?”. I really hated social bounds because I didn’t have the courage to rebel against them.
As a child who didn’t get what she wants, I tried to find other alternatives. And, I found a universe within me. In this universe, I can be anything I want to be. I can have everything and I can do as I like. Do you want to be a devil king? No problem! You want to play with the sun and the moon? EZ! You can control everything here. Yes! It is a universe called imagination. Maybe humans have a soul and a body is because while the body lives in a dull and lame world, the soul lives in a wonderful world so that humans will not be bored to continue living.
For my inner universe to grow, I read a lot of books, novels, manga, and stuff. I also like watching anime and playing games because I like their concepts. Anime taught me a lot. Not only Japanese listening skill, but there are many things like survival concepts, decisions and choices, the value of friendships, what is a family, why you should be always learning to be a better person for yourself and others, sense of mission, the dark sides of humans, etc. I spent most of my free time watching anime and reading books. I rebelled my life by being a typical otaku.
When I got bored of reading and watching, I participated in competitions like programming contests, CTF (capture the flag), Hackaton, Makaton, etc. Another way was to hang out with friends or talking with them. During competitions, it was very tiring, gained new knowledge, and learned lessons, but it was only a moment. Hanging out or talking with friends was really fun but after that what? It always comes back to the dull and lame world. Books and anime are my saviors. And, I wasn’t serious about anything.
Before I turned 20, I was forced to wake up from my inner universe. During my fourth year at university, I received a lot of workloads and faced many dramas. It was a pain in the ass year. After waking up from my inner universe, I faced reality and I got confused. It is very tiring to guide yourself into an uncertain future. You can turn into anything which is good or bad. Well, I am living in a dull and lame world with bounds after all.
I read various types of books. Among them, I am very interested in philosophical and historical books. After I found out what I love, I have a childish dream. I would like to travel the whole world from place to place, meet with various people, listen to their stories, their philosophies, and the purpose of living, and write down for others to read. When it is time to face reality, I stepped back. If I have enough courage, if I am more daring, it will be like chasing dreams with a childlike heart.
Apr 21, 2019
Edit: You endured well. Alone but you survived. Great job! Thanks to you, I have become the way I am now. (From Nov 1, 2020 me)
