I love to discuss ideas. However, in my current circle of friends, when it comes to discussing ideas, there are only very few people I can talk to. Most of them are not interested. When I talked about ideas in front of them, I always looked like a fool talking nonsense. Some didn’t even let me speak. They told me to shut up. I realized that like-minded people are hard to find.
A few days ago, I shared my weird idea with a few people I can talk to. Only one person got some parts of the idea. Most of them didn’t understand at all according to their reply. It made me doubt that is it possible for a person to have cognitive empathy for someone? I understand that different people have different backgrounds, different perceptions, and different mental capacities. Is there a chance for a person to meet with another person who can completely understand his/her ideas and thoughts?
A person’s attention is very limited. Our attention only focuses on ourselves, our surroundings, or our interest fields. We see and hear what happened or what is happening. Since we are not in the same situation as the party who is suffering, will we be able to understand the thoughts, decisions, and choices made by the suffering party? We may probably be able to sympathize with the suffering party if we went through the same situation before. However, empathy is difficult to occur, right? I once saw that many people went through the same disaster and their emotions of pain were the same but their opinions and information they provided were different. I think it will be extremely rare for cognitive empathy to occur.
You see a person walking slowly carrying a package. You noticed but you are more likely to walk your own way. You never know the weight of the package until you lift it yourself. I had chickenpox a few days ago. I told my mom that my whole body was super itchy. I was very impatient and shouting around. Because of me, she was also frustrated at first. Later, she came to understand why I was shouting like a madwoman. She may be able to sympathize with my suffering but did she understand my feelings? Impatience, irritation, anger, and frustration were happening inside me. Only me, who was experiencing these things, knew how much I was suffering. It made me wonder in what kind of situations does a person has emotional empathy for another?
There is a situation where three big projects are waiting to be done. There are five members in a team but two members provide little help. They get only two months to finish all projects. The three members are not very skilled but because of their “I can do it” attitude, they are working like cows pulling the team to move forward. There comes a freeloader who wants to join the team because other teams didn’t accept her. Then, the team leader rejected her.
Do you think that the freeloader will be able to understand the team leader? No, she won’t. She won’t understand the sleepless nights and struggles faced by the three members which led to the decision. Humans are weird creatures who love to blame others instead of finding their own weaknesses when something bad happened. It is more likely that the team leader and the other two members will be badmouthed behind their backs. People only care what they suffer.
Do you think that the team leader will be able to understand the freeloader? She may probably be able to sympathize with her if she went through rejections before. But, she won’t feel the sadness and unwanted feelings caused by rejection at the moment and she will continue to do her work. People only care about themselves. It is very rare for empathy to occur.
However, if you understand others and sympathize with what they are going through, and take actions to help them, you are a genuine person who has compassionate empathy.
Oct 26, 2019
