Since it is Sunday, I woke up at 11:00 am (almost noon). There was nothing in my stomach and it made noises to notify me that I was hungry. I folded the mosquito net and blanket neatly. I stood up. I felt weak and impatient. I took my phone and ordered food. I went to take bath. And then, food arrived and I ate it. It was a delicious meal.
I started reading novels on my phone and thinking about the quality of the novels. I have been reading web novels I found easily on websites these days. I felt bored since I have already read many of them. They are for entertainment purposes only. My brain is telling me that I need to make some changes.
Since I currently have nothing to do, I started to wonder why I have nothing to do. I felt like I am a useless being for not being productive. It made me feel uneasy. I thought back to the old days when I was too busy. At that time, it seemed the world didn’t even give a single second for me to rest. I didn’t have time for myself at all. It was like a big rock is on my shoulders. I felt very pressured. I viewed the world from the negative side. I was impatient. When I saw freeloaders on my team, I got angry easily.
I don’t like that I have nothing to do. I don’t like that I have too much work to do. Then, “what do I want anyway?”, I questioned myself. What are the things that I want in my life? Happiness? Success? Money? Power? Knowledge?
Having is tiresome. Not having is also tiresome. Desires will never be fulfilled. Simply put, life is tiresome.
Sep 10, 2018