I came back from my training, and I found it was surprisingly silent. I continued walking along the corridor with some kind of surprised and uneasy feelings.
Back then, I could hear people’s voices and laughter. Sometimes, I found them annoying. Everyone has moved out since a few weeks ago. But, there was still a group of cats which always came in front of my room and gave out “meow meow” voices asking me for food when they heard the voice of opening the door. I missed my duty of giving them food for four days, and they were also nowhere to be found. Without them, it was completely silent.
Since I have already graduated, I also have to move out soon. I looked at my room and thought about the hostel where I spent five years of my life. Five years changed a person in many ways. I met many new people here and, of course, there were both fond and unfond memories. Everyone has started their new chapters of life away from the hostel which I will also do soon. Departing with people with whom you feel close and shared your dreams, and from a place where you created memories together was kind of empty and sad. New people come and the old ones have to go.
Ever since I was a child, I have always been moving from here and there. I am used to departing with people. However, when it comes to departing, there is always a mixed feeling of sadness and emptiness. People came into my life and then they left. I continue walking my path and they continue theirs. In a new place, I meet new people and create memories with them and then we depart again. Departing is a very common thing, right? In this space and time, we exist only temporarily.
I love watching anime. When the anime I am very fond of comes to the end, when I have to depart with characters I love, and when I know that a great plot has ended, there is always a feeling of helplessness and emptiness. Why does departing make me feel such kind of uneasy feelings? Because of a great change in daily lifestyle? Because you lost the bond you spent time creating? Because you think life becomes meaningless? Because of your fear of uncertainty? I don’t know. I think it is good that my heart is used to departing because there is no tear in my eyes when it happens.
It has already been a week in my new place. I am creating new meanings with new people I met. Many things may be happening in my life but at the end of the day, what I feel from the bottom of my heart is just empty solitude.
Dec 8, 2019
