“Since you are about to be a member of a society, act more like an adult in society.” This sentence is what I was told for failing to act in a certain way.
“You shouldn’t smile. Be more serious.” “You are too serious. You should smile.” “You don’t look energetic. Be more active.” “You are very active. Calm down a bit.” “Your reply is too short. Use long sentences next time.” “Your reply is too long. Shorten it.” Don’t do that. Do this. Don’t act that way. Act this way. Since it is considered as a performance review, you try your best but you are never good enough.
But, something you want is there. Even though you are frustrating and irritating, even though your self-esteem becomes low, even though you begin to question the definition of the word “self-confidence”, you have to endure it. No, you must endure it.
You chose them because you believed them. If you knew earlier that you will be treated this way, you won’t even consider them as an option. They act like benefactors for providing free training while we all know that others in the same category receive more benefits than us. They can’t even manage information flow within their organization properly. When something goes wrong, who suffers? It is obvious.
We have to follow their instructions. We have to do what we are told. We have no choice. They do whatever they want to us. Maybe we are playthings for them. But, their playthings suffer from stress which has an impact on mental health. When you can no longer endure it anymore and you want to rebel, you have no choice but to cover your rebellious mind with a fake smile to get what you want. They have the power to shoo a person away with a sentence, “We don’t need you.” If you can’t follow their ways, you are out.
I didn’t know the cruelty of society until now: society filled with “Do as I say, not as I do” adults. No wonder they use each other as stepping stones.
It has been nine months. Since my energy, time, and money were spent on this shit, I will pursue it till the end. They will probably have their own troubles but as Jotaro said to Dio, “I don’t feel even the slightest bit of compassion for them.”
I may be insulting their goodwill by writing this kind of stuff. But, if you give me SHIT, I will give back that SHIT to you.
July 9, 2020 9:26 PM
Edit: To become a better version of yourself, sometimes, you need to shape yourself in a mold.
