This is a topic I used to discuss with my friend but I think she didn’t get it because she was never in my shoes.
Normally, I am hollow and empty. I have no emotional attachment to both living and nonliving things. I am like a person who is alive because her eyes keep opening. There is nothing I look forward to. I am a person with no hope and desire. I continue to eat and wear what is available to me, sleep when I am tired, and do what I have to do. I am dragged away by the flow of the time.
Of course, I also have emotional days. Sometimes, I feel angry, frustrated, irritated, sad, happy, joyful, cheerful, active, excited, and so on. When I am watching a movie, or when I am reading a book, or when I am listening to stories, I can easily sympathize with characters. And, I shed tears easily. But, those feelings do not last long. When I become aware of my feelings, my brain tries to analyze and reason. When my brain finds the cause and the reason, feelings disappear and I become hollow and empty again. Feelings turn into information, is it called being rational?
Having no attachment may be a side effect of me being too used to meeting and parting. I also perceive that only things you care the most can hurt you the most. My perceptions and experiences in life make me look like a person with “I don’t care” attitude to others. Well, I don’t care. I was told that I am clumsy, careless, and ignorant and I should pay more attention to my surroundings. And, I am learning.
Passing days after days with no particular goals and growing old is painful to me. Being empty and having no attachment is a blessing or a curse?
When my friend said her mood swings depend on how her friends act and speak, I didn’t understand her well. She also admitted that she didn’t like her emotional state being dependent on others.
Like I didn’t understand her well, no wonder she didn’t understand me. Someone with no emotional attachment in some corner of the world, let me say this, “I understand you.”
Aug 20, 2020 5:59 PM